Rent Control

Soooo - Erin and I started talking about rent control last night because her dad brought it up to her and wondered her opinions. I realize that I don't know everything about the issue - I know there are pros and cons and that there are people who would benefit and people who would not benefit from laws/policies around it. I realize there are opinions across the board and consequences attached. Yep, I get that.

The thing is, I hate politics because often times, times when we talk about issues like rent control, politics forget about people. PEOPLE, you know those things that have hearts and minds and souls and families and stuff?

When Amazon is done with its crazy hiring frenzy in Seattle it is estimated that it will have hired close to 60,000 people making on average $120,000. That is music to landlord/developers ears. But what about people who work as janitors? Security guards? People that take care of the elderly? What about the food and beverage industry? Or anyone who makes less than $40,000 yr (which is a huge percentage)? Where are they supposed to live? Okay, they need to move out of Seattle and commute in - Sure! Problem is, we have horrible public transportation and bus routes are getting wiped out all the time. I talked to a guy the other day that has to transfer 3 times every day, each way to get to and from work- totaling a SEVEN HOUR commute EVERYDAY for a $12.00/hr job. Oh, and the guy is a college grad, married and has a baby on the way.

It's messed up. So yeah, I care about rent control. That guy can't survive living in Seattle. He can hardly survive living outside of Seattle. And he isn't able to hang out with his wife and he won't be able to spend time with his baby.

Sure, there are people who might not like rent control and there are some that might lose some money but I don't really care. I care about families being together. I care about the time it takes people to get to and from work. I mean, okay, make it totally impossible for low wage workers to live in Seattle but at least invest in reasonable transportation so it doesn't take them SEVEN hours a day to get to and from work (to go less than 20 miles). C'mon. Don't try and debate with me that our city shouldn't do something to help that guy (and all the people in his situation)!

(Back to this) My mom is dying and the one thing she tells me she regrets is not being 'there' for her kids while growing up. She missed most of my basketball games and other activities while I was growing up. And honestly, I used to be mad a her for not being there. Then I woke up one day and realized that the only reason I was wherever I was was because she wasn't there. She was working day and night to provide for my family. I never went without anything and got to 'be there' because she wasn't there.

So because of that, because of the amazing woman my mom is and the lessons she has taught and the things she has had to endure, I have dedicated most of my adult life to helping people be 'there' - wherever 'there' is. 'There' is different for everyone. It could be with family, in the mountains, holding a pen and putting it to paper - shit, it could be in front of a TV getting lost in a show. I don't care where 'there' is for people - but I want everyone to be able to be there. Doing things that help them get connected to their hearts is so incredibly important and I want to help more people do it! Having a job that provides the basics with healthcare is the start.

Our country is big enough and good enough and wealthy enough and full of enough good people to allow people to be there!

So rent control, YES! Because it will allow more people to be where they want to be. With their families, with their friends, in the mountains - or wherever their place is that makes them feel alive.

The Superhero of my life

Right now in this every moment I am sitting in a nice waiting area waiting for a meeting to start and I am plotting a way to steal a sign that is above me. 'Yo! Be the Superhero of Your Life! (Yo! totally makes the sign, btw) Yes! Be the superhero of your own life! I'm totally into it. I want to be the superhero of my life, yo!

If I was the superhero of my life what would I do differently?

For starters, I wouldn't be so damn afraid of change. I would live in the moment and DO MORE of, well, do more of everything that is cool.  I would be an active participant in creating the life I have always dreamt of living instead of just thinking about it. I would be less busy with things that don't really matter and more busy with things that make my heart smile. I would listen to music that fills my soul. I would stop being on the internet so much. I would spend my free time in books or taking naps on the beach. I would travel.

If I were the superhero of my life I would be more physically fit and eat really good food ALL THE TIME. I would go on more adventures instead of looking at the adventures other people go on via TV and social media. I would be a better listener and make more lasting and meaningful friendships. I would use my hands more doing projects or writing 'Thank You' cards or writing that book I have always wanted to write. I would make more fires on the beach, sing loudly in the car with the windows down - I would live the way I try to live in the summer but I would do it year round.

If I were the superhero of my life I would go to bed most days with a tired body and mind. At the end of my days I would have a smile on my face and feelings of gratitude in my heart. I would feel excited to wake up the next morning and do it again.

I would be the kind of superhero that loves hard and forgives easy. I would be a good listener and be able to empathize and show compassion. I would be the superhero that people would want to hang out with because they know they'd feel valued and loved.

Turns out, all these things are totally obtainable with just a little bit of effort. Turns out, I'm turning into the  superhero of my own life, yo!

I gotta get me one of those signs!

Meeting time.

Change happens very, very fast.

I get emails from the universe. I suggest everyone signs up for them (www.tut.com) - they are a nice thing to look forward to in the morning and most of the time they give a burst of inspiration and motivation. Or sometimes the email makes me think, 'oh yes, I knew that, but I have somehow forgotten...'

This morning the Universe totally hit the spot. It sent the perfect email. With a few simple words it summed up everything I have been feeling and brought me to tears: 

Everything can change so very, very fast. And, Chelsea, it usually does. Click,     The Universe

I've heard it been said that the only thing that ever stays the same is that things are always changing.  Man, isn't that the truth!?!! And I'm horrible at change so I'm in trouble! I try my hardest to hold on to the way things are or the way things have been - even when it isn't good for me. But even when it is good for me, everything can change so very, very fast - and there is nothing I can do about it. So why not just roll with it? 

Right now I am trying my hardest to roll with the fact that my mom is dying and I am majorly sucking! I am learning that it isn't helpful to think up of new ideas for her to try - you know, so maybe she can heal herself.  I want her to be healthy and happy and I want her to watch me be a mother. Maybe it's because I want to call her when I have questions about what to do when I have 'new mom' kind of questions. I want to call her and talk about my life with her and have her help me as I navigate all this wedding shit.  But she is sick  and I can't do any of that - she doesn't have the bandwidth. My ideas of how my mother would be in my life has changed so very, very fast and I'm having a hard time keeping up - and it's making me sad - sometimes to the point of paralysis.

When I came out of the closet my mom responded to one of my blog posts (I came out on my blog and blogged religiously during that time - it helped me cope). She said that she was mourning some of the things she dreamt for me since the day I was born. She went on to say that the best things about life is you can dream new dreams and that the new dreams she was dreaming for me were even better than the others, despite the mourning. I didn't quite know what she was talking about until now...

I am in a state of mourning. Like, I am having a hard time getting out of bed sometimes and I randomly sob without warning. I am mourning the dreams I dreamt of how my life would be as an adult  and the role my mom would play. I dreamt of mom coming to Seattle to help me move into a new apartment or help plan my wedding or just come for a weekend to hang out and talk. I dreamt of being able to call her any time of day or night for whatever reason I wanted or needed. I dreamt of having her always being my person to lean on, no matter what. It's time to dream new dreams because those things aren't gonna happen. Things have changed.

My new dreams consist of getting through losing her a better person with more compassion. I hope to have a greater ability to relate to others. Perhaps this experience will somehow make me a better parent. I am learning to dream of not having the death of a parent looming over my head (it's been looming for nearly 20 years) - a time when there isn't a single part of me that is nervous when I get an unexpected call from a family member - I always wonder what kind of news/diagnosis I am going to hear about. I dream of mom not suffering any more. I want her to be free from the pain and tubes and the awkward oxygen tank and I want her to be able to run and garden and BREATHE again.

I am excited for my heart to worry and ache over new things. I am excited to call my dad and talk about something other than the status of mom. Curtis too. Actually, the entire family. It seems that moms health is the constant conversation and has been for the last 6 years. I dream of having new conversations with them- conversations about making the world a better place and about places we want to travel together.

I feel like a bad daughter for dreaming new dreams. I feel bad for saying this out loud and I feel weird that I am writing about it. But I have to write about it. Writing is my therapy.

Change is hard. I am mourning.

And it just isn't about my mom - I am learning that all relationships - friendships and otherwise - change  so very, very fast.  Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. That is just about the stupidest. It is a KILLER for me. Some  people that I thought would be in my life forever aren't around for long at all and that especially sucks. Sometimes it's because distance takes you away or maybe some kind of personal conflict. Or maybe interests or priorities changes. Whatever the reason, ouch, the absolute worst!

I am trying to roll with the changes that are happening within myself, too. And there is a lot! I'm telling you (bringing up mom again), being around sickness and death while thinking about getting married does weird stuff to a person. My needs and desires have changed. My perspectives are different. A lot of the things that are important to me now weren't even thought of a few weeks ago. My ideas about marriage and God and kids have changed. The way I see the world and treat other people have been altered - and it's all happened so very, very fast. 

I wish I had a conclusion to all this change. I don't. Acknowledging it is a big step for me. So I will acknowledge it and then continue to try to live in my life and make it the best I can as it is right now.  RIGHT NOW. Not how it was or how I want it to be but how IT IS right now.

Thanks, Universe, for stating the obvious in a way that spoke to me.

Click,
Chelsea