Rent Control

Soooo - Erin and I started talking about rent control last night because her dad brought it up to her and wondered her opinions. I realize that I don't know everything about the issue - I know there are pros and cons and that there are people who would benefit and people who would not benefit from laws/policies around it. I realize there are opinions across the board and consequences attached. Yep, I get that.

The thing is, I hate politics because often times, times when we talk about issues like rent control, politics forget about people. PEOPLE, you know those things that have hearts and minds and souls and families and stuff?

When Amazon is done with its crazy hiring frenzy in Seattle it is estimated that it will have hired close to 60,000 people making on average $120,000. That is music to landlord/developers ears. But what about people who work as janitors? Security guards? People that take care of the elderly? What about the food and beverage industry? Or anyone who makes less than $40,000 yr (which is a huge percentage)? Where are they supposed to live? Okay, they need to move out of Seattle and commute in - Sure! Problem is, we have horrible public transportation and bus routes are getting wiped out all the time. I talked to a guy the other day that has to transfer 3 times every day, each way to get to and from work- totaling a SEVEN HOUR commute EVERYDAY for a $12.00/hr job. Oh, and the guy is a college grad, married and has a baby on the way.

It's messed up. So yeah, I care about rent control. That guy can't survive living in Seattle. He can hardly survive living outside of Seattle. And he isn't able to hang out with his wife and he won't be able to spend time with his baby.

Sure, there are people who might not like rent control and there are some that might lose some money but I don't really care. I care about families being together. I care about the time it takes people to get to and from work. I mean, okay, make it totally impossible for low wage workers to live in Seattle but at least invest in reasonable transportation so it doesn't take them SEVEN hours a day to get to and from work (to go less than 20 miles). C'mon. Don't try and debate with me that our city shouldn't do something to help that guy (and all the people in his situation)!

(Back to this) My mom is dying and the one thing she tells me she regrets is not being 'there' for her kids while growing up. She missed most of my basketball games and other activities while I was growing up. And honestly, I used to be mad a her for not being there. Then I woke up one day and realized that the only reason I was wherever I was was because she wasn't there. She was working day and night to provide for my family. I never went without anything and got to 'be there' because she wasn't there.

So because of that, because of the amazing woman my mom is and the lessons she has taught and the things she has had to endure, I have dedicated most of my adult life to helping people be 'there' - wherever 'there' is. 'There' is different for everyone. It could be with family, in the mountains, holding a pen and putting it to paper - shit, it could be in front of a TV getting lost in a show. I don't care where 'there' is for people - but I want everyone to be able to be there. Doing things that help them get connected to their hearts is so incredibly important and I want to help more people do it! Having a job that provides the basics with healthcare is the start.

Our country is big enough and good enough and wealthy enough and full of enough good people to allow people to be there!

So rent control, YES! Because it will allow more people to be where they want to be. With their families, with their friends, in the mountains - or wherever their place is that makes them feel alive.

The Superhero of my life

Right now in this every moment I am sitting in a nice waiting area waiting for a meeting to start and I am plotting a way to steal a sign that is above me. 'Yo! Be the Superhero of Your Life! (Yo! totally makes the sign, btw) Yes! Be the superhero of your own life! I'm totally into it. I want to be the superhero of my life, yo!

If I was the superhero of my life what would I do differently?

For starters, I wouldn't be so damn afraid of change. I would live in the moment and DO MORE of, well, do more of everything that is cool.  I would be an active participant in creating the life I have always dreamt of living instead of just thinking about it. I would be less busy with things that don't really matter and more busy with things that make my heart smile. I would listen to music that fills my soul. I would stop being on the internet so much. I would spend my free time in books or taking naps on the beach. I would travel.

If I were the superhero of my life I would be more physically fit and eat really good food ALL THE TIME. I would go on more adventures instead of looking at the adventures other people go on via TV and social media. I would be a better listener and make more lasting and meaningful friendships. I would use my hands more doing projects or writing 'Thank You' cards or writing that book I have always wanted to write. I would make more fires on the beach, sing loudly in the car with the windows down - I would live the way I try to live in the summer but I would do it year round.

If I were the superhero of my life I would go to bed most days with a tired body and mind. At the end of my days I would have a smile on my face and feelings of gratitude in my heart. I would feel excited to wake up the next morning and do it again.

I would be the kind of superhero that loves hard and forgives easy. I would be a good listener and be able to empathize and show compassion. I would be the superhero that people would want to hang out with because they know they'd feel valued and loved.

Turns out, all these things are totally obtainable with just a little bit of effort. Turns out, I'm turning into the  superhero of my own life, yo!

I gotta get me one of those signs!

Meeting time.

Change happens very, very fast.

I get emails from the universe. I suggest everyone signs up for them (www.tut.com) - they are a nice thing to look forward to in the morning and most of the time they give a burst of inspiration and motivation. Or sometimes the email makes me think, 'oh yes, I knew that, but I have somehow forgotten...'

This morning the Universe totally hit the spot. It sent the perfect email. With a few simple words it summed up everything I have been feeling and brought me to tears: 

Everything can change so very, very fast. And, Chelsea, it usually does. Click,     The Universe

I've heard it been said that the only thing that ever stays the same is that things are always changing.  Man, isn't that the truth!?!! And I'm horrible at change so I'm in trouble! I try my hardest to hold on to the way things are or the way things have been - even when it isn't good for me. But even when it is good for me, everything can change so very, very fast - and there is nothing I can do about it. So why not just roll with it? 

Right now I am trying my hardest to roll with the fact that my mom is dying and I am majorly sucking! I am learning that it isn't helpful to think up of new ideas for her to try - you know, so maybe she can heal herself.  I want her to be healthy and happy and I want her to watch me be a mother. Maybe it's because I want to call her when I have questions about what to do when I have 'new mom' kind of questions. I want to call her and talk about my life with her and have her help me as I navigate all this wedding shit.  But she is sick  and I can't do any of that - she doesn't have the bandwidth. My ideas of how my mother would be in my life has changed so very, very fast and I'm having a hard time keeping up - and it's making me sad - sometimes to the point of paralysis.

When I came out of the closet my mom responded to one of my blog posts (I came out on my blog and blogged religiously during that time - it helped me cope). She said that she was mourning some of the things she dreamt for me since the day I was born. She went on to say that the best things about life is you can dream new dreams and that the new dreams she was dreaming for me were even better than the others, despite the mourning. I didn't quite know what she was talking about until now...

I am in a state of mourning. Like, I am having a hard time getting out of bed sometimes and I randomly sob without warning. I am mourning the dreams I dreamt of how my life would be as an adult  and the role my mom would play. I dreamt of mom coming to Seattle to help me move into a new apartment or help plan my wedding or just come for a weekend to hang out and talk. I dreamt of being able to call her any time of day or night for whatever reason I wanted or needed. I dreamt of having her always being my person to lean on, no matter what. It's time to dream new dreams because those things aren't gonna happen. Things have changed.

My new dreams consist of getting through losing her a better person with more compassion. I hope to have a greater ability to relate to others. Perhaps this experience will somehow make me a better parent. I am learning to dream of not having the death of a parent looming over my head (it's been looming for nearly 20 years) - a time when there isn't a single part of me that is nervous when I get an unexpected call from a family member - I always wonder what kind of news/diagnosis I am going to hear about. I dream of mom not suffering any more. I want her to be free from the pain and tubes and the awkward oxygen tank and I want her to be able to run and garden and BREATHE again.

I am excited for my heart to worry and ache over new things. I am excited to call my dad and talk about something other than the status of mom. Curtis too. Actually, the entire family. It seems that moms health is the constant conversation and has been for the last 6 years. I dream of having new conversations with them- conversations about making the world a better place and about places we want to travel together.

I feel like a bad daughter for dreaming new dreams. I feel bad for saying this out loud and I feel weird that I am writing about it. But I have to write about it. Writing is my therapy.

Change is hard. I am mourning.

And it just isn't about my mom - I am learning that all relationships - friendships and otherwise - change  so very, very fast.  Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go. That is just about the stupidest. It is a KILLER for me. Some  people that I thought would be in my life forever aren't around for long at all and that especially sucks. Sometimes it's because distance takes you away or maybe some kind of personal conflict. Or maybe interests or priorities changes. Whatever the reason, ouch, the absolute worst!

I am trying to roll with the changes that are happening within myself, too. And there is a lot! I'm telling you (bringing up mom again), being around sickness and death while thinking about getting married does weird stuff to a person. My needs and desires have changed. My perspectives are different. A lot of the things that are important to me now weren't even thought of a few weeks ago. My ideas about marriage and God and kids have changed. The way I see the world and treat other people have been altered - and it's all happened so very, very fast. 

I wish I had a conclusion to all this change. I don't. Acknowledging it is a big step for me. So I will acknowledge it and then continue to try to live in my life and make it the best I can as it is right now.  RIGHT NOW. Not how it was or how I want it to be but how IT IS right now.

Thanks, Universe, for stating the obvious in a way that spoke to me.

Click,
Chelsea

Glory

I had some pretty amazing experiences in Chicago. One of them, I got to meet Rhymefest. Not only did I get to meet him but I got to introduce him as a keynote speaker - which meant I got to hang out with him in the green room before showtime.

I'll be honest, I didn't know who Rhymefest was before I got to Chicago. But I learned and he immediately became someone I admire and respect.

Look him up. He's incredible! He writes 'movement music' (including 'Glory' from Selma. OMG) and believes that the true power is the kind of power that empowers other people. Man. Me too. The words he spoke landed on me and I knew they were true. Words of love for others, words of justice, words of 'we are all in this together so let's help each other.' I loved it. All of it.

When I was tasked to introduce him I was encouraged to talk about the intersection of art and activism. And then it dawned on me that we are all artists - if we know it or not. If we practice it or not. Art is getting finding ways of exposing and expressing our hearts - music, word, drawing, painting, the way you dress yourself, the way you treat others - it's all art. We are art. The way we live our lives is art.

The people I met in Chicago - all the participants from all over the country have desires of justice and freedom inside of them. I feel like it is our collective and individual obligation to the world to share those desires. Our world needs it, I need it, we all need it.

People are so much more complex and amazing then we sometimes remember. Living in the confines of societal norms is suffocating. Art breaks away form that. It helps allow us to be all of us at all times and normalize things and people that aren't 'normal.'

If your heart is screaming good - equality and justice for all - expose it. Our world needs more artists like that!

Consider the company you keep

My heart is smiling. I am feeling thankful and need to express it.

Today I am thankful for the people that are close to me in my life.Without question life get's tough and there are things we don't have control over - but we have control who we spend our free time with. The people I choose to spend my time with make my heart smile. They help me see the good in the world as they remind me of my good. They inspire me with their dedication to their own hearts and they have desires of making the world a better place.

If you're feeling a low, I would encourage you to consider the company you keep. Who do you spend your free time with? What are the types of conversations you participate in? What sorts of activities do you engage in?

As the people in my life remind me of my good, I strive to do the same. Let's expect the best from each other

Authenticity

It's early - 3am Seattle time, 5am in Chicago. I'm in Chicago. I went to bed a few hours ago but can't sleep because my heart and my mind are so full of excitement, gratitude and I am overflowing with ideas. I just finished mapping out strategies and plans to execute when I get home.

I'm motivated and inspired yet I feel like I have been hit by a dump truck. I mean, yes, I'm tired because there has been a significant lack of sleep but inspiration is something exhausting because when you're inspired to make any sort of change the needed amount of time and work that has to be invested is sometimes staggering.

Which makes me wonder, how many times have I been inspired but the time and work linked to the inspiration was too much?

It also makes me wonder where inspiration comes from. Yesterday I was sitting in a conference room and heard multiple speakers sharing best practices about different subjects. Some things resonated with me, others didn't. The interesting thing, the things that didn't resonate with me totally landed on my colleagues and sparked feelings of inspiration.

So my thought - what the hell is that about, people being compelled by completely different things? Do feelings of inspiration that causes action lead us where we are supposed to go and to who we were meant to be? Does following inspiration lead us to more complete lives and away from the thoughts of, 'what is life all about anyway?'

I like to think yes.

And I'm not talking about crazy change your life inspiration. Sometimes the thoughts we have about being a little kinder, speaking a little less and listening more, speaking better of your own self - action on those small thoughts can start you on a new path of wonder and unlimited possibilities. I say that because I did that.

Since I've been in Chicago I have felt like pinching myself on several occasions. I am living a life that I used to dream about. When I first arrived in Chicago a couple days ago I walked in a room of colleagues, people I have grown to love and respect beyond description because we all want to make life better for the people around us.

Rewind several years ago. I didn't think kindly of myself much less pay much attention to what I could do for other people. I was ashamed to share my real thoughts and feelings with people. I was ashamed how I was born - gay - which didn't allow me to be my true and authentic self.  Now authenticity is my most cherished attribute.

When I am on top of a mountain I am thankful that not every mountain looks the same. I am thankful for the different species of tree, flower and rock that make each view different and beautiful and interesting. So it is with people - we are all unique and different and interesting. Our differences make the world dynamic and beautiful and have the ability to teach us love, compassion and acceptance. When we consciously try to be different than who we are we are we are totally dis serving the world - especially ourselves. Because we were born to be ourselves!

Among the inspiration I have felt the last few days,  I have been inspired to be kinder to myself. To love myself more. To recognize my goodness and to stand confidently in it. And it's funny, when I recognize and practice the goodness in myself, I recognize the goodness in everything around me. Give it a try, it's pretty cool!

Introduction

Hi, let me introduce myself.
I am Chelsea. Chelsea Nelson. I don't have a middle name. Just Chelsea.
Im not Jesus or Mother Theresa or Gandhi
Im Chelsea. 
I’m a woman and I’m gay. 
I’m a dreamer and a believer. 
I’m a daughter and a sister. 
A lover and mother; a mother to a dog but a mother nonetheless.
I'm Chelsea.
I'm a victim and a survivor. A fighter and a thriver. 
And I'm a poet. 
My words are the heart of me. 
My poems are the art in me. 
I need to stop hiding them like a teenage boy hides pornography.
I'm Chelsea.
I am mostly happy and mostly positive.
Please, don't tell me I'm not a real poet if I choose to write and speak about joy.
Gandhi said to be the change you wish to see in the world and Michael said look in the mirror and make the change
And I felt like they were both talking to me.
Too bad I started to listen when I was 25
Ben Harper said that he could change the world with his own two hands and when I heard that song I thought that I was singing. It wasn't. I can't sing. But I can dream.

I'm not Dr. King but I have a dream. 

I dream that when you see me, you see me. Not my sexuality or the strength of my perceived spirituality. Or, I dream that you do see those things but that it doesn't matter.
I dream that when I see you I don't see that youre black or white or yellow. Or I dream that I do because that makes you you and I want to see you. But I dream that  your color doesn't determine your treatment.

I mean it matters that there were and still are slaves and that gays can't get married everywhere in this country and it matters that in Kansas it was seriously being proposed that a police officer didn't have to help a homosexual if homosexuality went against the officers religion.

I'm Chelsea and I have a dream.
I'm Chelsea and I have more than 15 trillion cells that makes me me. 
They work together every second of everyday to make me this way.
They make me move and make me want to improve. 
Cut away the color of my skin. Cut away that I like women. Cut away that I am a woman. Cut away that I used to be a practicing Mormon.
I have bones and blood and a heart and mind
Keep on cutting, you'll never find my soul

I'm Chelsea. 
I have two terminal parents and siblings that are best friends
My real best friend was killed in a car accident

I am Chelsea
the perpetual lover of life and the person who can look on the bright side of most situations
but not because I haven't felt pain. So don't suggest it.
It's because when I was cuffed to a hospital bed after trying to die I gained an appreciation for the air
I was so glad that I could breath and I couldn't believe how pretty everything was

I am Chelsea
The always smiling girl that was dying behind that smile
until one day, I wasn't.

Because one day I decided to be the change I wished to see in the world. To be it. To talk about it. To write about it. To live it. And everyday when I look at the woman in the mirror, I say, 'hey, can we make a change? Can we be a little better? A little kinder? A little more like the person you were born to be?" I don't always get it right but I do sometimes.

Yesterday is gone and right now is the present so I would like to present to it, me, Chelsea. 
An ambassador for life and for things that are good and just so I'm not misunderstood, I want to make clear that I know that there is bad. 

I know that there is homophobia and racism and sexism. I know that people die - literally and metaphorically.
I know that girls are getting raped by their fathers and their brothers and by strangers too and that mothers know about it and do nothing because they don't know what to do. 
I know that that boys are getting raped too.
I know that there are people living on the streets and that some have nothing to eat. 
I know that people live without a tangible love or without a tangible anything beside their own body which doesn't feel tangible at all.
There is so much pain and sadness in the world.

But I will talk about the good. 

Because I'm Chelsea, the change I wish to see.

My airplane

Right now, this very second I am on an airplane headed to Chicago. Every time I am on an airplane, which is about twice a month these days, I am amazed the moment the wheels leave the ground. I usually turn to the person sitting next to me and express my feeling of awe. Think about it, right now I am sitting in a metal tube that is 30,000 feet in the air that is flying! FLYING! It’s incredible! And to add to the wonder of it, I am sitting in this metal tube tinkering on my computer like it’s normal. Haha. Nothing about this is normal yet everything about it is normal…

A few rows up from me is the wing. I can see it out the window. I can see a lot of little screws holding things in place and I can see pieces of metal move up and down as the plane maneuvers. I wonder how many different pieces make up this plane. Thousands? I am guessing millions.

I can’t help but imagine what the early days of flight were like. There must have been intense and expensive trial and error processes. It makes me think about the people who invented these massive machines and the frustration they must have experienced and the dedication they must have demonstrated! I am thankful for them, whoever they are. (I know about the first people credited with creating the planes but I am sure there were a lot of other nameless people who were involved with the process!)

Flight is absolutely a blessing in my life! Flight allows me to see my family that is scattered across the country several times a year and it allows me to help a lot more people in my line of work than I would be able to with out it. Flight has allowed me to see beautiful sights and experience different cultures. The miracle of flight has produced a lot of little miracles inside of my own heart because of the experiences it has allotted me.

Right now I am headed to Chicago for the Young Worker NextUp Summit. It’s a conference that is meant to inspire positive and progressive change in our communities. What does that mean? It means inspiring people to fight for better jobs, higher pay, better benefits, gender equality, diversity, etc. My work feels like my airplane.

Last summer I went to Leavenworth, WA to float the river. I feared that my sunglasses might fall off during the float because  the river was low and there were small rapids. My sensitive eyes don’t do well in the sun without sunglasses so I bought some chums – a handy little devise that ensures your glasses won’t fall off your head. As I was floating down the river I felt totally connected to my heart and I wished that moment for everyone on the planet. I wanted everyone to have opportunities to experience what nature does for me.

For me it’s nature – being in the mountains away from the business of life. The smells, the sounds, the colors – I love everything about being in the mountains! For Erin it’s working out. Before my mom got sick running was the thing for her. I think my dad would say the beach is his spot. For some people it might be writing or getting lost in a good book or eating at a certain restaurant. Whatever it is for people, I wish we could all have more of it.  Because I believe that life is supposed to enjoyed as much as possible!

The question I ask myself daily, how can life be enjoyed for those that don’t make enough money to support themselves or their families even though they work really, really hard?  How can people create moments of enjoyment when they can’t go to the doctor because they don’t have insurance? How can kids dream big when they go to school and get bullied for this or that?

I can’t create an airplane because it already exists (and I’m not good with machinery J ) but I strive to create positive change that will bless the lives of others. And the cool thing about it is everyone can do that - no matter their line of work. A little practice, awareness, dedication and perhaps some trial and error is all it takes. A helping hand, a listening ear, compassion, putting an end to gossip and encouraging acceptance and love.

Just like the different colors and strokes on my painting, everyone is different. When we work together and for each other and realize we are all in this together, beautiful things are sure to be the result!

Paint Night

Just like most adults in America, I work a lot. There have been weeks in the past year where I've spent more time in front of some sort of screen - computer, phone and TV - then I spend in front of anything else except for maybe my eyelids while I'm asleep. It's sad but it is totally true. I spend hours at work in front of the computer and in front of my phone - sometimes at the same time even and then I come and wind down watching one of my favorite mindless TV shows. A few months ago I had enough with my newly formed routine (it seems every winter this routine somehow is formed). I knew that I wasn't doing what I wanted to do so I told Erin, my soon to be wife, that I was going to be screen free at home (with few exceptions).

So she planned and took me to Paint Night!

We got to Paint Night and walked into a room with I don't know, probably 30 paint stations set up with blank canvases, paint, paint brushes and water.  At the front of the room was a beautifully and what seemed to be perfectly painted Seattle skyline with Mt. Rainier in the background. Erin and I giggled a bit when we were told that we were going to paint something similar on our blank canvas (with help from an instructor, of course). 

We sat down and the instructor told us to put some paint on the brush and go for it. He explained how to make different colors and demonstrated a few different painting techniques. He showed us how to make mountains, clouds and buildings and then we were left to transfer what we had learned onto our our own canvas. 

Three hours later I had a masterpiece and I was surpassingly proud of it. Erin had a master piece too - so did everyone else in the class. Yet all the masterpieces were different. Similar but different. 

I started to think about my life and how it relates to my experience at Paint Night. Every day, maybe every decision even, I am adding to the canvas of my life. When I look at my Paint Night painting that is now hanging on our wall I can visually see the areas that came easy and others that were more difficult. The same happens in my life.

The parts of my painting where I messed up and had to paint over what I originally painted are my favorite parts of the painting. Those parts are dynamic and colorful and interesting. Sound familiar? Does that sound like life? 

I have a lot of thoughts about life and love and happiness. I want to share them. I want to share them mostly for me but if my thoughts resonate with others to provoke positive thoughts or positive change, I'm totally into that!  

Welcome to Paint Night.